The Secret Ingredients For a Happy Marriage/Relationship
Drawing on 13 years of personal experience
I have been married for 5 years now. And been in a relationship for 13.
During more than a decade of togetherness, my partner and I have seen most there is to see. We’ve lived together and on opposite coasts of the nation. Fought, broke up, made amends. Hurt the other and tended to them. Shared cuddles and had screaming matches.
For us, getting hitched was purely ceremonious and there was no discernible change in our relationship. It did help that we were, in all but the legal framework, “already married” for years. We lived together, had a joint savings account, common online accounts (for travel and online shopping, etc), and knew all there was to know about the other person.
Over the years, we have learned, through first-hand experience, the tricks of the trade. What works and what doesn’t. Where our shared space ends and our individual cocoons begin. Our roles and responsibilities in the relationship. Common pitfalls, and how to avoid them.
Below is a distilled summary of the same:
◕ Know your boundaries…: New couples view their relationship through rose-tinted glasses. Everything feels amazing. And there is a constant urge to be “two bodies, one soul”. They try to do everything together, in a weird psychological Siamese twins way. But then they slowly realize that they do not share all of their interests with their partner.
Want to watch a movie? Too bad your partner loves gore and you can’t stand it.
Want to lay back and venture into your thoughts? Sorry, it’s “honey time”.
Slowly, they start to resent the other person. Small annoyances start to coagulate until they reach their tipping point and come out like an extended, furious rant.
Know that being a couple does not mean not having a life of your own. It’s great to spend time together and explore common hobbies. But at the same time, it is also crucial to maintain your individual identity. Have an hour or two every day purely to yourself. A small pillow fortress in time and space where not even your spouse is allowed.
